I left my role in L’arche Liverpool in January 2016. Since that time I have lived in 5 religious houses. I initially lived in the Community of the Resurrection as an ‘Alongsider’ for 5 months. I then moved into Alnmouth friary to ‘test’ my sense of vocation to be an Anglican Franciscan brother with the Society of Saint Francis. I have lived in 4 SSF friaries; first as a Postulant and then as a Novice brother. Moving around different religious houses has been part of my ongoing discernment process. It has provided me with a range of new experiences and opportunities. I have decided to share a bit about these experiences as I am feeling slightly reflective at the moment. This might be because my Noviciate (Initial Formation) within the Society of Saint Francis is coming to an end. My next step is going to be my First Profession, which involves taking vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience. 

Why did I leave my job to live in a religious community?

In December 2015 I had an unexpected religious experience while supporting one of the ‘core members’ I supported in Liverpool L’arche. P was one of my favourite ‘core members’ in L’arche. He always made me laugh, and I enjoyed being his ‘assistant’. P in many ways is very disabled, he communicates through laughter and screaming, he is fed via a peg feed, he is a wheelchair user who has little physical movement. P has ‘pads’ that are changed every 3 hours with the support of 2 care-worker ‘assistants’. P also doesn’t have mental capacity, and so is assumed not to understand what we are saying.

Saying this I really enjoyed spending my days with P. He often smiled and laughed and he brought a lot of joy into my life. Spending time with P always left me feeling happy and more joyful than I had been previously. P taught me a lot about the meaning and value of life. I enjoyed spending all my time with severely disabled people, which I suppose is why I enjoyed being a L’arche assistant! I felt they ‘got’ me, and we made each other laugh. Okay, so one day P was in his wheelchair. Me and another care assistant had hoisted him from his bed into his wheelchair. I was then alone, on my knees putting P’s shoes on. P suddenly burst out laughing and I instinctively looked up, and for 2 to 3 seconds saw Jesus look at me through P’s eyes. 

It was a very unexpected mystical encounter, in the midst of a very ordinary task. During these 2 to 3 seconds the words, “You are now ready” rolled through my mind. I felt ready to pursue the Religious Life. More than this I knew in that moment that my time in L’arche had come to an end. I enjoyed my 3 years in L’arche, but all of a sudden I knew I could no longer stay there. This felt like a massive loss, but I also knew that it was right to move on with my journey.

And so I took to Saint Google to find a Christian community I could move into that had prayer at the centre of the day. It also had to be free as I was financially poor.

Alongsider: The Community of the Resurrection (Feb-June 2016)

Initial Struggles

Saint Google took me to several residential Christian communities in the UK, several of them were not appropriate for what I was looking for. For example I didn’t feel called to work in a Diocesan Youth Retreat Centre. I also didn’t feel called to work with young people and so eventually I found myself on the CR website (https://mirfield.org.uk/) . I had once spent the day at CR when I was a Chaplaincy Assistant at Liverpool Hope University, as Desmond Tutu had given a talk and anyone under the age of 30 who worked for the Church of England had been invited to attend. My job at Liverpool Hope had been funded by CoE funding bodies, although I was a Roman Catholic at the time (long story!).

The website said it was possible to live ‘Alongside’ the monks for a few months. I liked the sound of that, it seemed like that was the right step to take after having had a serious religious experience, and so I found myself visiting the monastery a week or two after my mystical encounter. I was interviewed by two different members of the community. I was asked to make another visit so they could assess me again, which I did quite quickly. After these two visits I was invited to move in, and so I gave my month’s notice in L’arche in January 2016 and moved into CR in the February. We agreed I would live there for FIVE MONTHS. I wasn’t allowed to stay any longer than that.

Becoming an ‘Alongsider’

I found myself living in the novice wing of the monastery, meaning next to me was a Postulant and a Novice in the community. I never sat in the Choir with the monks but sat with the guests. During this time I read a lot, and entered into hours of personal prayer. I also helped do a bit of gardening and chatted to guests. I even volunteered in the local Oxfam shop one day a week. I knew quite quickly that I wasn’t going to join CR. The most prominent reason may have been I can’t read music and they sing really well. I also knew I was wanting ‘more’ but I couldn’t articulate what. I found myself fasting and praying for long periods seeking some sort of ‘insight’ into where this was going. Somehow 3 months had passed by and no real ‘answer’ and appeared. I was beginning to get a bit stressed out and inquired about staying longer. I was told ‘no’. Time was against me and I was waiting on the LORD to make a way for me.

Joining the Society of Saint Francis

One day one of the brothers suggested I visited the SSF house in Leeds, which is relatively near to Mirfield. Strangely I’d never thought about doing that, and so popped over. I enjoyed the house. It was a simple terrace house in an urban area, by urban I think I mean it was busy. The brothers house homeless asylum seeker men mainly from Iran, Iraq and Syria, and worked in the local community. Something about it all appealed to me, and so I thought to myself, “Yes, this is it. This is what I’ve been looking for.” And so I asked to join the Anglican Communion.

I assumed becoming a ‘member of the Church of England’ was going to be a very arduous process. This was primarily because I did 2 years of RCIA lessons when I was an undergraduate Roman Catholic. This involved 2 hour lessons once a week on Roman Catholic doctrine, belief and practice. I really enjoyed Father Halleran’s stories. We used to laugh as we gobbled biscuits and sipped cups of tea. Anyway, I was told I didn’t require any lessons to become a member of the Church of England as I’d read the Bible, and had a degree in Theological Studies from St Andrews, I also went to chapel about 4 times a day (or more) and so there wasn’t anything to be done for me. This led to a 5 minute service where I was ‘Received’ into the Anglican Communion. I was half expecting to be asked to renounce the Pope and to be sprinkled with Holy water as I renounced the spirit of the antichrist, but instead it was all very polite and almost apologetic.

Once I had become a fully fledged Anglican I was interviewed at Glasshampton monastery by 3 members of SSF to see if I was ‘eligible’ to test my vocation to the Society of Saint Francis. Because I have no debt outside of my student loan, don’t have any children nor a criminal record, nor any serious medical problems there were no serious impediments for me joining SSF. People with a criminal record and health difficulties can test their vocation with religious communities, depending on what the particularities of the situation are. In my case my only medical difficulty is I have a weak right eye (and am allergic to face paint!). As I recently told my optician, “I’m unmedicated!” This didn’t make her laugh. 

Postulant/Noviced: Alnmouth Friary

(July 2016 – Jan 2017)

Testing my vocation with SSF

I moved to Alnmouth unsure what to expect. My main tasks in Alnmouth included offering hospitality to the guests who come to the retreat house for up to a week. I welcomed them at the main door, showed them to their rooms and chatted with them at the meal times. I also helped to gather up the leaves in the garden. I did quite a lot of gardening and out-door-sy work during this time. I also cooked meals. I’m not a very good cook but found myself preparing food for up to 22 people! At first this really stressed me out, but after a while realized it wasn’t that difficult to do. What I did find difficult was chatting with people in the kitchen as I was trying to cook! I can’t multitask. I learnt that I needed to be left to my own devices to be able focus on the task at hand, especially in the kitchen.

I also helped in the chapel. This part was entirely new to me. I’d never been an altar server. In all honesty I had never had a Liturgical role or any relevant previous experience. This meant I had to learn everything from scratch. I also helped lead the ‘Office’, the times of prayer held in the chapel throughout the day. While I had previously led morning and evening prayer in my previous life, doing it in a retreat house was a very different experience. I was also invited to preach at the Sunday service several times. I’d only preached once before in my life and to people I knew really well. I found it quite difficult to prepare sermons for groups of retreatants I’d never met before; but they were generally very supportive of what I offered to them. It was all good experience anyway. On one occasion I acted out being a leper using a little bell to demonstrate the point I was trying to express. I’m not convinced everyone really ‘got’ the point I was making, but they seemed to enjoy the theatrical aspect of it all.

Postulancy

My role in Alnmouth was that of a ‘Postulant’. A Postulant is someone who is in the process of joining a religious community. I was still wearing my own clothes at this time and using my legal name, which is ‘Michael’. The Postulancy period is normally between 6 to 9 months. After 6 months I was invited to think about becoming a ‘Novice’. A brother asked me to open a bin bag and choose a habit to try on. I walked to the bathroom and tried on a Franciscan habit for the first time. Looking into the full length mirror I thought, “What am I doing?” It all felt very ‘real’. “Is this what I’m meant to be doing?” I thought. I breathed in and asked for guidance, “Show me the way,” I prayed, and then breathed out. I then opened the bathroom door and carried on with my day.

Then came the Novicing. This was a short service where I was presented with the Community’s Rule and received the Franciscan habit. I also changed my name. Within the Community I am now known as ‘Finnian’. This isn’t my legal name but is the name I now use as a brother. At first this was all quite confusing, but it was quite helpful for me to use a different name as I was beginning to live a different sort of life. When I received the habit I was then taken to a side room where I put on the habit then re-entered the chapel. When I walked into the chapel everyone clapped! It was a very surreal event in many ways, but not nearly as ‘scary’ as I’d been anticipating. We then all had cake!

9 months Enclosure at Glasshampton Monastery (Jan-Sep 2017)

9 month ‘Enclosure’

Novices in SSF all spend 9 months in Glasshampton monastery. This was originally a sort of enclosed men’s community run by William of Glasshampton. After it closed down SSF eventually took it over and ran it as an SSF house. When I lived there the house had 6 SSF brothers with around 6 residential retreatants a week.

My main roles in Glasshampton were to welcome guests, and to help in the chapel. I also cooked and did a lot of gardening, and cleaning. The main reason Novices spend 9 months in Glasshampton is to take a step back and grow in prayer and contemplation. The other main reason is to get experience living the life before going out into an urban context. There is also a strong study component to this 9 month period as well.

As a Novice in Glasshampton I attended the chapel services. These were also attended by the brothers and the residential guests. There were generally 5 or 6 guests at any one time. We ate together in silence in the Refectory. Unlike in other communities no one read from a book during the meal, so we all looked out of the window contemplating. On one notable day the cat played with a dead mouse in garden as everyone sat in the Refectory observing this horror taking place, in contemplative silence!

Each Monday we were alone as brothers, as the residential guests leave in the morning. On a Monday evening we watched TV in the Common Room and talked during the meal. Brothers might have a glass of wine as well (I’m tea-total). It was a nice way to get to know each other, as chatting isn’t a large part of the life there.

I used to attend the daily tea-time with the guests, this happened at around 4pm. I enjoyed talking with the guests who often wanted to hear about life in Glasshampton and what I’d been up to. Novices tend to read quite a lot during their time in Glasshampton, I enjoyed having the time to read. By the end of my 9 months in Glasshampton I found myself agreeing with William of Glasshampton’s original vision of having a proper Enclosure, both in the chapel and in the monastery. Originally the chapel and corridor had a gate. I enjoyed aspects of my 9 months in Glasshampton. I realized I didn’t have ‘the vision’ of the house, and that was okay. I also acknowledged I was passing through. My thoughts and opinions on the house weren’t that important. My job was to enter into being ‘formed’ in some way.

I also did an informal study course on Christian monastic history, and learnt religious life began with the Desert Mothers and Fathers and from then had been lived in a variety of ways. This informal course is a significant part of the Formation offered by the Community to new brothers. During the Noviciate brothers will also attend an annual conference at the Roman Catholic Poor Clare convent in Arkley. Novice brothers also attend six ‘inter-noviciate’ conferences, over a two year period, alongside Novices from other communities.

After my 9 months were up I was bundled into a car and was driven to Leeds.

9 months Urban Year: Harehills, Leeds

(Sep 2017 -June 2018)

I remember the guests at Glasshampton always used to tell me, “It’s so peaceful here.” I never noticed how peaceful Glasshampton was until the day I was whisked away to live in Harehills. Harehills is now a Muslim community in inner city Leeds, populated primarily by people from Pakistan and Afghanistan. The brothers work with homeless asylum seekers and support the work of the local parish church which is around 50% ex-Muslim.

Urban Placement

All novices in SSF spend around 9 months in an ‘urban placement’. Urban houses in SSF are very different to the retreat houses. Urban houses tend to only have the brothers at the prayer times. I really enjoyed this way of praying. For the first time I felt I was able to enter into the Office. The Office is also a lot simpler in the urban houses. As a non-singer I felt able to participate in the prayer life of the community in a way I hadn’t felt able to previously. I also felt more comfortable because no one was observing me. I had never felt called to pray in front of other people. I had never felt ‘called’ to live or work in a retreat house. In many ways I felt like an ‘outsider’ in the retreat houses, as the guests often knew the Community better than I did and they often sang quite well. I hadn’t joined a Franciscan community to be part of a retreat house or to sing but to live a bit like a L’arche assistant: as a lay brother.

When I initially arrived in Harehills I was completely overwhelmed by the noise. Noise seeped through the walls and the windows of the small house. At first I found it impossible to concentrate. While the bell at Glasshampton was a bit strange at times, it provided a rhythm for the day. The house in Leeds seemed to be so disorganised and messy. When was the tea-time in this house? When was I meant to know where to go and what to do? Life in an urban house is very different from the life in a retreat house. However after a while I realized there was a daily routine. We had a times of prayer, service and community. I was told I had an open diary and was asked to go and fill it up with activities. I’d never lived in Leeds before and didn’t know anyone in the city, so I googled around and tried to find things to do.

Quite quickly I found myself being part of the Uni Chaplaincy team. The Anglican Chaplain asked me to sit in the Uni Refectory with a sign saying, “Got a Question.” I didn’t know that Leeds Uni has 10s of 1000s of students, so when I arrived I was a little overwhelmed. And so I sat in the large refectory in my habit and my little sign, and NO ONE came to talk to me! I felt like a bit of an idiot. ‘What happens if someone shouts at me?” I thought. Luckily 3 members of the Christian Student Movement came to talk to me. They were so kind and brought me into their circle. I attended their meetings once a week. I then started to spend a few hours sat in the Chaplaincy lounge. People gradually began to seek me out to tell me their story, or seek guidance. At times it was silly and fun, and at other moments it was incredibly serious and profound; sometimes within the same conversation! Each week I found people would come and talk to me about quite serious issues, often related to the Christian faith. I would then attend the SCM meeting and pop to the pub with the students. As time went on the students began to share their life with me. On reflection I now see my involvement introduced ‘traditional’ Anglican Religious Life to a lot of young people who’d never heard of it before. I feel seeds where sown, which will bloom and bear fruit over the years.

On the other days I supported the work of several local churches who ran drop-ins for socially isolated people. I did the welcome, I sat and chatted with people, I also served food and cleaned up the room. People on the street in Harehills would often ask for blessings as well. As time went on I was being approached by large numbers of people wanting to ask questions and engage with me. It’s worth noting that I was always alone during these interactions the public. I remember the first day I went out on my own in Harehills wearing a habit: I was SO scared! I walked to the bus stop and was trying to prepare myself for being shouted at. Amusingly no one cared, and I was extremely disappointed!

Going out and about alone wearing a Franciscan habit isn’t always as joyous as you might imagine. Not everyone wanted to be nice to me! Fortunately I was never attacked or stabbed. Somehow I began to lose my fear. The LORD was with me.

My 9 months in Leeds came to a gradual end, and it felt like it was time to be moving on. During these 9 months I had informal novice classes with one of the brothers. I also spent time with some of the guys living with us.

Novice: Plaistow Friary

(July 2018 – Present day, 2020)

I was asked to move to the East End to support the renewal of one of our other urban houses. Four brothers were moved into the house at the same time. The Community has been in Plaistow for 120 years. We currently house up to 8 homeless adults. Helping Hands uses part of the friary Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. This charity provides food at the front door to between 50 to 70 each day. The charity was originally started by a brother, who still oversees the daily running of the charity. I was asked to move there to renew the Franciscan aspect of the house to help re-create a Franciscan community there, which had several brothers living and ministering together.

Second Urban Novice Placement

Novices move around several of the houses to learn new skills and gain new experiences. By the end of the Noviciate the novice and community will also have a better idea of where the brother would benefit from being placed over the longer term.

When I moved to Plaistow I didn’t know the house or the area. I never thought I’d ever live in London or the south of England, as I’m a Northerner. I came with an open mind however. I initially couldn’t work out how the buses and trains worked and found it all very overwhelming. Again I was always alone in my habit, so members of the public would come and talk to me as I was in the process of trying to find my way. 

Starting again!

I was invited to go and find things to do. This resulted in me supporting the work of 3 local charities; a foodbank in Tower Hamlets, a soup kitchen run by the Friars of the Renewal a Roman Catholic Franciscan community, and a Trussell Trust foodbank run by a Baptist church. I also chat with people in our drop in, spend time with the people we house, and try to promote vocations. Life in an urban house in many ways is quite unorganised, people pop in and you offer them hospitality. I enjoy this way of living. I enjoy people as well, which is fortunate. I sense this way of life has elements of what I was initially looking for; this feels more like being a L’arche assistant than the other houses did. 

Welcome to contemporary religious life! What an adventure.